People, people! You’ve left me with a tie! And here was me hoping to have a clear-cut winner …
Since you can’t decide, I’ll put it to some other method of divination. Normally I’d turn to alectromancy, but the girls are in bed. Hmm …
Axinomancy has a certain appeal (it’s been one of those days), and Cledonism is definitely one to keep up my metaphorical sleeve (no officer, I was just practicing cledomancy, honest!). But given the temperature, I think I’ll turn to some form of pyromancy. We shall assign walnut shells – one to each poem. I’ll put them in the fire, and whichever burns first is our winner. (Why walnut shells? Well, I have them at hand, and they flare really nicely.) I promise not to start making notes for poems about divination methods until after a decision has been reached and announced.
…
(Ten minutes, and a slight waft of singed hair later …)
…
We have a winner: Dwayne.
As you can see from the photo, I labelled the shells, added them to a log at the front of the flames, and tried to take a photo at the exact moment the first shell flared. My eyebrows have never been curlier.
Dwayne, your magazines will be on the way either tomorrow or Monday. But Greg doesn’t walk away empty-handed – a slightly smaller package is on the way to you as well.
Now excuse me while I go tend to my supercilia.
A Dark Feathered Art 
I’d just like to thank my god, Aodhán and, of course, Yoda, without whom none of this would have been possible.
Strong in him, the poetry is …
(That does it…from now on, my poems will be much more inflammatory!) Congrats, Dwayne. And thanks for the kind consolation mags, Joanna. Bring on the next exciting De-Clutter Challenge.
Ah yes, no one inverts a sentence like the Master. The next one should be a doozy, and thanks for the mags.